For many women trying to lose weight, eating out can feel like the enemy – a landmine of oversized portions, hidden calories and the fear of “falling off the wagon.” But according to Alex Neilan, founder of Sustainable Change, that mindset is part of the very problem that keeps people stuck.
“We don’t live in a laboratory,” Neilan says. “Real life includes birthdays, restaurants, weekends away, last-minute plans. If your plan collapses every time something enjoyable happens, the plan isn’t sustainable.”
It’s a perspective that has resonated across Neilan’s rapidly growing audience. Through Sustainable Change and the Sustainable Weight Loss Support Group, his free Facebook community now approaching 100,000 members, he has become a prominent voice challenging the old belief that diets require rigid isolation from normal living. Instead, he argues that health has to fit joy – not remove it.
The problem with “being good”
Neilan has coached thousands of women who describe eating out as something that must be “earned” or compensated for with guilt-driven restriction. To him, this mindset is one of the biggest silent saboteurs of long-term progress.
“People don’t struggle because of the occasional meal out,” he says. “They struggle because they panic before it, over-restrict during the day, then over-eat at the restaurant, feel guilty afterwards, and spend the next two days mentally recovering. The stress response does more damage than the food ever could.”
Instead of trying to “be good,” he encourages women to drop the all-or-nothing thinking and learn how to navigate meals out with confidence and calm.
A more realistic approach
The Sustainable Change method focuses on structure, not strictness. Neilan teaches clients to use the same tools whether they’re at home or at a restaurant: planning, awareness, and small, repeatable decisions.
“You don’t need to scan the whole menu for the lowest calorie option,” he says. “Just choose the things that help you feel your best – enough protein, good portions, and something you genuinely enjoy. When eating out becomes normal instead of dramatic, everything stabilises.”
He believes the real breakthrough comes when women stop seeing meals out as disruptions, and instead treat them as part of the wider pattern.
“Progress is a pattern, not a moment,” he explains. “A single dinner doesn’t define you. The habits you return to afterwards do.”
The freedom to live
Neilan’s clients frequently speak about a sense of relief – the moment they realise that sustainable weight loss doesn’t require living like a monk or declining every invite. That shift in thinking is what his online community is built on.
Inside the Sustainable Weight Loss Support Group, members regularly post their restaurant choices, strategies and stories of enjoying food without spiralling into guilt. It’s become one of the most active and supportive spaces for women looking for a way to lose weight while still living full, social lives.
“It’s powerful when you see thousands of women realising the same thing,” Neilan says. “They’re not failing. Their old plans just didn’t allow room for real life. Once you remove the pressure, everything becomes easier.”
What choosing joy actually means
A theme that often comes up in Neilan’s coaching is the difference between indulgence and enjoyment. Many people confuse the two.
“Enjoyment is intentional,” he says. “It’s choosing what you genuinely want and being present with it. Over-doing it is usually a reaction – to stress, fear, guilt or the feeling that you ‘shouldn’t be having this.’ When you remove the panic, you actually enjoy your food more and need far less of it.”
This reflects the deeper principle that runs through Sustainable Change: healthy habits are not forged in perfection, but in calm repetition.
Why this matters for long-term success
Neilan’s core message is that sustainability isn’t a buzzword – it’s the backbone of every real transformation. A plan that forces you to avoid restaurants, celebrations or spontaneity is a plan destined to collapse under the weight of normal life.
“I’ve seen thousands of women succeed without cutting out the things they love,” he says. “The key is learning to make choices that feel aligned, not punished. A lifestyle you enjoy is the only one you’ll keep.”
Through Sustainable Change and his expanding online presence, Neilan continues to put forward a more modern, more compassionate model for women’s health: one that doesn’t demand withdrawal from the world, but participation in it – confidently, intentionally, and without guilt.
“If you can learn to manage the fun parts of life,” he says, “you’ve already mastered the hardest part of sustainable weight loss.”
